You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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