i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
