I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
