so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
