Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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