I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I want to fling myself into the sun
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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