I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
