Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
