I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
