everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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