The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
