I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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