I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
