Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
