weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up under a house in Key West
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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