My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
