Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
