You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
