trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
