I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
