You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
