we're blogging at a bar
I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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