Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
