You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
