IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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