I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
