mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
