I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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