I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I will be naked everywhere
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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