Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
