you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
