they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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