I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
