yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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