Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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