gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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