i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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