ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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