I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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