What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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