saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
