I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
