Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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