If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
