WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
