the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
