Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
