i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
