time to smoke my breakfast
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
