you turned your livingroom into a bong?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
