Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
