Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
