Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
