Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
