My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
