She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
