Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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