to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
