I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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