For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Are we still banned from the library?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
